January 5, 2018
Free Write
Teach/Write Post-What's on my mind today...
Today I spent some time finishing up Hunger by Roxane Gay and felt deep in my soul that she is the model of self reflection and actualization and her words and voice transformed her memoir from a collection of thoughts to a deep dive into the correlation of one's perception of self and the need to conform to a society that demoralizes those that don't quite fit in. I was transfixed by her discussion of the cycle of self sabotage and her clear reasoned discussion of how this cycle impacted her ability to address her "Hunger". Eating and the need to be filled are not mutually exclusive and yet we eat to fill a variety of different needs. I found myself voicing aloud-"Why would you do that?" "What is so bad that you would allow yourself to fall into such horrible circumstances?". The author seems to sense my confusion and tepid anger by simply stating that this is my story-not yours and you are on my journey so step back and judge not lest you be judged.
I began my journey with her feeling that I was going to use my greater sense of empathy to relate or corroborate her feelings, decisions, and actions as a person who struggles with body weight and perception. Being large (tall and overweight) often requires a great deal of steely determination and grit as other can project their disappointment, fear, and seemingly endless "hunger" on to you and take no responsibility when you react. Being a women of a certain age, this has been a life long struggle and yet it hurts just like it did when I was 10 years old and the tallest, darkest kid in my class and feeling invisible and unwanted by a teacher who felt my family situation and my size seemed to displease her. I felt myself slipping on the cloak of judge, unknown best friend, and curious onlooker while reading Gay's words and had to step back and say empathy is not sought here, listening is desired and self reflection is a must. Therefore I take off my cloak of judgment, sisterhood in the struggle, and disapproval and put on my listening ears and say "Yes, Dr. Gay I get it and I hear you!"
Today I spent some time finishing up Hunger by Roxane Gay and felt deep in my soul that she is the model of self reflection and actualization and her words and voice transformed her memoir from a collection of thoughts to a deep dive into the correlation of one's perception of self and the need to conform to a society that demoralizes those that don't quite fit in. I was transfixed by her discussion of the cycle of self sabotage and her clear reasoned discussion of how this cycle impacted her ability to address her "Hunger". Eating and the need to be filled are not mutually exclusive and yet we eat to fill a variety of different needs. I found myself voicing aloud-"Why would you do that?" "What is so bad that you would allow yourself to fall into such horrible circumstances?". The author seems to sense my confusion and tepid anger by simply stating that this is my story-not yours and you are on my journey so step back and judge not lest you be judged.
I began my journey with her feeling that I was going to use my greater sense of empathy to relate or corroborate her feelings, decisions, and actions as a person who struggles with body weight and perception. Being large (tall and overweight) often requires a great deal of steely determination and grit as other can project their disappointment, fear, and seemingly endless "hunger" on to you and take no responsibility when you react. Being a women of a certain age, this has been a life long struggle and yet it hurts just like it did when I was 10 years old and the tallest, darkest kid in my class and feeling invisible and unwanted by a teacher who felt my family situation and my size seemed to displease her. I felt myself slipping on the cloak of judge, unknown best friend, and curious onlooker while reading Gay's words and had to step back and say empathy is not sought here, listening is desired and self reflection is a must. Therefore I take off my cloak of judgment, sisterhood in the struggle, and disapproval and put on my listening ears and say "Yes, Dr. Gay I get it and I hear you!"